It’s Harder Than It Seems

Evening all,

I know if you look at my previous post I said I was going to do some posts on a few things mentioned there, however, due to the current circumstances of this global pandemic, I wanted to take some time to really get out what has been on my mind.

Now, it’s been so nice to go onto social media and see all these things that people are doing to keep themselves busy during these very difficult times, but I want to be a little bit more real here. My head is fucked up. I hate not being at work and losing my routine. I have no motivation to do anything I just want to lie in bed all day. It’s bad.

As much as I’m seeing all these great ideas everywhere, I just can’t bring myself to actually do anything. For example, today I planned on doing the simple task of getting my washing done… I did one wash… that’s it. Now I know I shouldn’t be focusing on the negatives constantly, but does anyone else get how f*cking difficult that is???

I thrive with a good routine, but I need a job to plan my routine around. A job is a big chunk of my day that distracts me from everything going on in my head. With that job being taken away from me, I have only the feeling of emptiness. I can’t make a routine, I can’t even wake up in the morning (literally though I’m waking up in the afternoon). I plan to do things but it takes me three times as long as it should, and honestly all I feel is disappointment in myself.

I think anyone who’s reading this who’s feeling in a similar situation to me, if you have any tips at all, please do share, because I definitely will appreciate anything. Of course, if overt these next few days anything does help me, I definitely will be making a post because it isn’t easy feeling trapped.

Alexandra Grace XxXx

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